Not Disabled Enough

I encountered a new prejudice targeted at me that I hadn't experienced before. 

When Chelsea was very young, I always felt the need to fight tooth and nail against "regular" people being mean because my baby was disabled.

Now with Lily, I am heading into the years ahead with a more relaxed, experienced air. I have done this once before, and I can do it again, and having a kid with a SATB2 diagnosis isn't the end of the world.

So when Lily was diagnosed, I headed down to the early intervention office and got her all signed up for therapy classes. Here is where the story starts:

I was in class with Lily, and had been going for a few weeks. I was starting to get to know one of the moms, and I thought we were becoming friends. She had a daughter a little older than Lily, and they were working on the same skills- crawling, pulling to stand, etc. 

Picture is Lily with our awesome PT!

As we were finishing up class one day, the physical therapist asked if we were practicing the therapy homework suggestions she gave us each week. 

"Oh yeah!" I smiled. "We love doing therapy together; it is so much fun! We do our work every day."

Because it is truth! I enjoy spending time with my baby, and most of the stuff that is assigned for therapy is pretty fun- stand in front of a mirror, crawl up stairs, blow bubbles and try to reach for them.

The other mom gave me a funny look, almost patronizing. "Well, I'm sure it is easy for you to do therapy since she is getting the hang of it. The rest of us have to work much harder." she said, and left. 

I found out next week that she quit because she didn't like the positivity I had about my child's disability.

Message: You don't belong in this group because your child isn't disabled enough. 

I have developed a much thicker skin over the years. But I want to discuss this mentality a little bit. 

Because I get it!

I was that mom when I had Chelsea.

I remember going to classes and seeing kids with Autism or Down Syndrome learning to walk and babble much, much faster than Chelsea was. 

I remember crying, wondering what on earth I was doing wrong that my baby wasn't developing. Wondering if there was some secret that everyone else knew that I didn't.

And was I ever resentful! I was so upset, knowing that I was working so so immensely hard, for hours every day, while other moms just seemed to coast through parenting without exerting much effort.

And it didn't seem fair.

So I don't blame the other mom who was upset that I seemed to be happy and doing well with my baby. I've walked miles in those shoes.

And let me tell you, those shoes hurt. A lot.

And I have walked in the shoes of a parent who feels isolated from other special needs parents because it seems like their baby's disability isn't as serious as THEIR baby's. 

So they automatically dismiss my concerns and feelings, because my problems don't seem as big.

It made me think about how I parent. Sometimes, it is easy to dismiss one of my children's concerns because their issue seems so trivial.

But to that person, that is their next big hurdle, and they are focusing all their energy on it!

So no matter how big or small someone else's trial seems to us, let's just cheer each other on! 

The world needs more cheerleaders and fewer critics.