Abuse Prevention

One of the things that scares me more than anything else is that a predator would target my sweet girl and make her a victim of abuse. I attended an amazing workshop that helped to train parents on what to watch for and preventative measures we can take to lower the risk of abuse happening.

Let's think for just a minute- people with special needs are very high risk for abuse:

1. They are easy to assault, easy to overpower, and often can't walk away

2. These kids (or adults) often are not mentally aware of what is happening. It may be hard to know the difference between a cleaning after a stinky diaper and inappropriate touching.

3. They may not be able to report or tell anyone what happened, or call for help

4. If they frequently make things up, they may not be believed

5. These people have lots of 1:1 time alone with a variety of people- caregivers, therapists, teachers, bus drivers, etc. (They are trying to make it so that more than 1 adult is always present with special needs kids, but still a work in progress)

6. Finally, abuse is often not reported because the person may be afraid of being placed in an institution.

That is scary!!! Knowing that my sweet daughter is a prime target for a predator scares me to death! I don't want anything to happen to her!

Reduce Risk

• Reduce isolation- Insist on the 2+ adults with my child at all times- in school, during diaper changes, on the bus, during school therapy, etc. Write it into their IEP!

• Get abuse training for yourself and the staff that works with the child. This is for several reasons- this lets the staff know that you are watching for signs and will step in at the slightest sign of abuse, and will make them feel more comfortable when you ask for their records, so-

• Ask for the background checks of all persons working with your child- bus driver, classroom aides, teachers, therapist, principal, everyone!!! Background checks for bus drivers and aides are (unfortunately) not very thorough, and you have the right by law to request that information

• KNOW the people working with your child. 97-99% of abuse happening to people with special needs is done by a person that is known to the special needs child and trusted.

• Listen to the butterflies in your stomach! If something seems off, follow up. I care way more about my daughter's safety than the possibility of offending grown person.

• Drop in unexpectedly at school (you can let the school know at the beginning of the school year that you may do this occasionally throughout the school year). You may walk in at any time, any day. This isn't spying, it is seeing how your child is at school! Are they happy and learning?

Educate Your Child

• Teach proper terminology! If it comes to it, police need to know where you were touched, and "Down there" doesn't cut it. Yes, there will be embarrassing "Girls don't have penises!" moments in public, but a little embarrassment now is nothing in comparison to abuse happening and your child can't (or won't) tell you about it

• Have conversations about sex and boundaries (you can say no to anything you aren't comfortable with), since abusers sometimes go for the shock factor

• Talk often about safety and role-play calling 911 (depending on communication abilities), and visit the police station so your child is comfortable with police and knows to go to them (it is criminal justice, not victim justice)

• Monitor internet use- never give out phone, address, email, and avoid pornography like the plague it is! Do NOT desensitize your special needs child to porn- it makes experimentation and abuse more likely

• Always tell your child, "You can tell me anything, and I will not be mad at you!" Victims often feel ashamed or like it is their fault

• Teach the difference between secrets, surprises, and private. Surprises are the "happy secrets" like planning Daddy a special surprise party that he will know about soon. Private things are things that people don't need to see, but isn't a bad secret, like going to the restroom or a diaper change. Secrets are the things people tell you not to tell that are bad.

Signs to Watch For

• Change in Emotions! This is the most common, so if your child was happy-go-lucky before, but now is moody and withdrawn, something is up (it may be bullying, isolation, neglect, sexual abuse...) Or if your child was challenging before, but is now super compliant, that may also be an indicator.

• Physical/ Medical Signs- these are easy to spot, like bruises, pregnancy, STDs, etc.

• Social Behavior- nightmares, tummy aches, and difficulty eating. Anything sexual abuse tends to affect the entire abdominal region

• Living Skills- a change in living skills, like a current lack of hygiene where it wasn't a problem before (the victim thinking, "Maybe if I smell and look bad, it won't happen anymore")

• Indicators of Incest- Such as a parent who refuses to let anyone else spend time with the child to the extreme (because they are worried someone will figure out what is going on).